Learn How to Say No Without Burning Bridges

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It’s not always realistic or healthy to say yes to everything in today’s workplace. Are you afraid to say no for fear it would harm your career prospects or hamper your advancement?

Not saying no when necessary can be bad for our mental health and hold us back from achieving what we want in life. It also wastes time, resources, and energy.

Some of us are afraid of appearing lazy, confrontational, or unhelpful so we are less likely to refuse to do something. Hence the knee-jerk to requests at work is often to say yes. The truth is, though, that saying no when we’re overcommitted may prove beneficial.  

In this article, we’ll share some tips on how you can learn how to say no in a way that doesn’t burn any bridges and could help advance your career, decrease your stress levels, and even make you more productive. Later, we’ll learn how to use trigger phrases. First, we’ll talk about the power of saying no and projecting confidence.  

Let’s jump in and find out how to say no in the right way so you can avoid burnout, fulfil your potential.

The Power of Saying No

We could be putting ourselves at greater risk of physical illness if we say yes too often. We subject ourselves to higher levels of stress, which can sometimes manifest as a range of unpleasant physical symptoms. Learning to say no more often can help prevent this so that you can be happier, healthier, and able to work more effectively.

But how do you know when you need to refuse something? Take note if you start dropping the ball on certain tasks, or if you keep missing deadlines. That’s often a clear sign you’re overburdening yourself and need to put your foot on the brake.

We’re social animals, so it makes sense that we want to say yes to others. The trouble is, if we say yes to things all the time, we eventually become inattentive to some tasks, drop the ball, and start falling behind. Working longer because we’ve said yes to everything doesn’t make us more productive. A 2014 study conducted by the Head of Economics at Stanford University found that people who worked 70 hours per week didn’t get any more done than those who worked 55 hours. This supports the idea that taking on additional tasks when it’s unnecessary to do so wastes time and energy.

Saying no can be uncomfortable, but sometimes we must step out of our comfort zones to make progress. Therefore, we’ll now discover tips as to how to say no in the right way, that will not cause ill-feeling or cause you to be seen in a negative light.

Top Ten Tips for Learning How to Say No

Follow these tips so you can learn to say no without damaging your prospects and achieve success.

1. Show Confidence

You must learn to sell your no. You can show professionalism by offering a constructive no. You should deliver the no clearly and do so with respect and kindness. If you say no with confidence, your message doesn’t become diluted or distorted. If you’re assertive and positive, it tells others you value your time, and the work you’re already engaged in. Being positive also makes it less likely you’ll upset other people. Keep your no concise and to the point. If you’re refusing to take on extra work because you want to ensure you can complete the work you’ve already committed to doing to a high standard, say so. Don’t embellish your reason for refusing with pointless details.

2. Give a Reason and Keep it Short

You should always give a reason for saying no when you can but keep it short. Don’t go through your whole calendar, because your boss or manager might just change a few deadlines or reschedule other work to allow you to take on the additional task. Just summarise your current priorities briefly, without getting personal about things. Having a short, valid reason for saying no, is something most people will accept.

3. Practice Beforehand

It’s impossible to know when someone will ask something of you, but you can still be prepared. You can prepare a few professional-sounding responses you can use if someone makes a request of you. It could be something as simple as thanking them for the offer, but pointing out that you’re already overscheduled, or pointing out the project you’re already working on. This is especially helpful if you’re saying no to someone above you in the workplace hierarchy.

It may also be a good idea to practice saying no out loud so that you come across as confident and natural when you need to.

In addition, you should also use some trigger phrases, which we’ll discuss in the next section.

4. Use Trigger Phrases

How your refusal is framed is just as important as the no itself. So, make sure you’re using the right words around your no so that you sound positive.

Use words and phrases like:

• Prioritise.
• Committed.
• Support.
• Responsibility.
• What else can I do to support you?

Avoid words and phrases like:

• Unfortunately.
• Can’t.
• That doesn’t work for me.
• I’m afraid…

5. Ask if You Can do it Later or Support Them in Another Way

Instead of just giving someone a flat-out no, ask if you can contribute in another way, or help them out later. Even if you can’t help in a big way, you could look for small ways to help without taking on the full responsibility of an additional project. You could attend a brainstorming session, read a first draft, or direct them to a useful resource, such as an article relevant to what they’re working on.

A no will always be more acceptable to the person you’re delivering it to if you put a positive spin on it.

If you show people you’d be willing to help them but have too much on your own plate to enable you to tackle the entire task at that point in time, people will be much more likely to take your no in good part. Make it a point to encourage them to check in with you later to see if you can help further.  

Read our post on mind mapping mistakes to find out more about what you should avoid doing during a brainstorming session.

6. Show Compassion

When you acknowledge the fact that by refusing someone’s request, you could be making their life more difficult, it shows you have compassion and empathy for them, and means they are more likely to see you as a friend than a foe.

If you ignore a request and hope it goes away if you don’t respond, it doesn’t engender good feeling. You should respond to requests as soon as you can, and acknowledge their position, even if you can’t help immediately.

7. Refer Them to Another Co-Worker

It’s true that referring the person who needs help to someone else isn’t always possible or feasible. However, that doesn’t mean it’s not a viable, useful option at times. You may be able to suggest they ask a co-worker who may have greater availability and the expertise needed to help. Offering an alternative can be a positive thing for both parties and is better than a flat refusal.

8. Use the Plural Rather Than the Singular

Use we and us rather than I when saying no to show you’re still a team player and willing to help when and where you can. This can be particularly effective if you’re managing a team and refusing work on their behalf too. If you put your team’s needs first, rather than taking too much on and overburdening them, you may inspire them to work harder for you. Offer an alternative where possible. For instance, you might say “Our team is at full capacity right now working on X. Have you considered an alternative, like Y?”

9. Be Grateful

When someone asks for your help, even if you have to say no, make sure the person asking knows you appreciate being asked. After all, if they want you to take on additional tasks, it indicates that they have confidence in you and your ability. That alone warrants and deserves recognition, plus you want people to feel they can ask you for help in the future, even if you can’t help them with this one particular request. Thus, showing gratitude can help your no go down easier and will likely cause others to view you as a supporter or ally, as opposed to an adversary.

10. End on a Positive Note

If you’re delivering a no via email or over the phone, make sure you end the email or conversation on a positive note, by saying something like “Thanks for asking” or “I appreciate the offer, and please don’t hesitate for as for help in the future if you need it.” Be polite but direct when you’re winding up the conversation or signing off, but don’t be insincere. You need to show you’re honest, direct, and able to make sensible decisions.

Check out our guide to asking for help if you want some advice in that area.

Wrapping Up

We’ve discussed the power of refusing to take on additional tasks, and talked about how doing so can reduce stress, boost productivity, and help you work more effectively. It’s vital then, to learn how to say no without burning bridges or damaging your career prospects. Use some of the tips shared here to give yourself the best chance of your refusal being taken in good part, and to ensure that you are still able to maintain good relationships with your colleagues without damaging your reputation as a team player.

If we accept the notion that learning to say can help us be more productive over time, is it possible that we can learn to become as productive during a 4-day work week as we are during the traditional 5-day work week? After all, if we can, it would allow us more time for ourselves and our families and would likely lead to having a happier, healthy workforce who would be ready to tackle each task with gusto.

If you’re interested in learning more about this, read our post on the 4-day work week.  

We hope you enjoyed this post and found it useful. Thanks for reading!